yes or no. part three.

while i was in uganda, i had a friend back home watching the school district websites and sending my resume in. she wrote on my facebook to tell me she had applied for a first grade teaching position at THE school with THE principal. i was blessed and thankful. but i was in africa. my heart was in africa. i could deal with the school stuff when i got home. besides, i had a promise.

when i got back to abilene, i plugged my phone in to find a message from THE principal- that he had a job opening and needed me to come in the next morning. the only problem was- i had no idea when he left that message. it was a sunday evening so I called him, emailed him, and went to bed praying for favor.

the next morning i got a call from an abilene number and assumed it was him- so i answered quickly. a woman was on the other line so i naturally thought it was his secretary. she sounded familiar but i didn't think anything of it. she said "well, i don't have a teaching position for you- but i have a special-ed aide job open." i agreed to come in and talk about the position on wednesday afternoon. i didn't want to. but i knew for some reason that i needed to.

a few minutes after hanging up the phone, i looked up the number that called just to make sure it was his secretary. it wasn't! it was my principal and friend from the school where I student taught. there was still hope.

so i called him back again. i had to know. he answered. he was so sweet and asked so many questions about uganda and all the Lord did there. when we got down to business, he told me he left the message the day we left, which was two and a half weeks prior. and that they tried waiting but had to get the ball moving and ended up hiring someone else. he was gracious and kind and i was polite. but really i was breaking inside. he told me there might be other positions opening and he wanted me to come in and interview so if a position opened it would be an 'easy transition.' oh, i clung to those words. i needed that glimmer of hope.

i went into my interview with mrs. o at the school i student taught at. the other school that hosts african refugees. she offered me a special ed aide job at minimum wage. i told her i would pray and get back to her in the next two days.

i prayed and i prayed. it was super hard trying to hear the Lord in something that you don't want at all- but you have a promise and you're not sure if this is His route to fulfill it. it was a clash between my desire and my obedience. His heart is to bless me and make all things work together for my good. He also tells us when we trust Him and don't lean on our own understanding that He will fulfill the desires of our hearts.

i remember being in a prayer imeeting at church and begging God for just a yes or no. begging. i was desperate to walk in His will. i kept asking the Lord to give someone else the conviction to come tell me a yes or a no. and i got nothing. nothing but intimacy with Jesus and a deeper need for Him.

which, in the end, was all i ever wanted.