mercy days. part four.

you know those times in life where you are constantly questioning if the circumstances you are walking in could ever be the Lord's will? i like to call those mercy days. where if i didn't have mercy, i'd be toast.

annnnnnd that was the next couple of weeks of my life.

i accepted the job as an aide. mrs. o was gracious and kind and made it very clear that if a teaching job came up, that i would be her first choice. that helped. i felt that the Lord was giving me grace to choose and that regardless if i accepted it or not- He would make a way for me.

i had to make up some alternative staff development days that week. also known as setting up other teachers' classrooms. for no pay. humbling? absolutely. in every single way. but as a stapled, painted, cut, and cleaned, i prayed. i begged for mercy. mercy to find joy and remain steadfast in His promise to me. and this continued for the next week of work. through teachers work week and even into the first week of school.

on the first day of school, i wept on my way to school. i knew i was being obedient, but it hurt. it hurt to know i was driving to school on the first day as an aide, and that the Lord hadn't provided my own classroom yet. i was discouraged because i always thought it would happen sooner than that. it was a reality check for me to walk into the school on the first day knowing that my promise hadn't been fulfilled yet. my heart was anxious and His timing is perfect. i spent the first day trying to trust. trying to trust that His promises are always true, and trying to trust that in the end He'd be glorified. it was all that mattered in the end.

my job was hard. oh, how much respect and honor grew in me for all of the aides in schools. they work hard. and they don't have a home. each morning i would come in, not really sure where to go until my first classroom assignment. and then i bounced around the whole day- still carrying my purse. i had no home to place it in. every classroom i would go in, i would stand in the back waiting for a responsibility. i desperately needed vision. i needed hope. i needed mercy.

somedays i would go in the bathroom and literally fall to my knees. i needed Jesus to tell me what i was doing was worth it. i needed Him to affirm me and tell me i had really heard Him and was walking in obedience. two positions had opened up at the school i was working at. because of budget cuts, they transferred two teachers from other schools and were not able to make any new hires. i needed mercy. mercy to watch empty classrooms fill up and to not become bitter, angry, or even sad.

He keeps his promises. even when my heart aches and i cry out for mercy, He gives it.