i loved high school. like loved high school.
i really thought there could never be anything better. i was on the drill team (the dance one.. not the flags- just to clarify for everyone who is judging me). pretended to know everyone on the football team like they were my bff. loved my friends. loved getting lots of monies from social security. but seriously- i loved high school.
and part of loving high school involves school dances and functions.
homecoming at allen high school was equally as important as prom. and even more important for me because of drill team and my fake football friends. you had to have an up-do, a long dress, mums, garters, corsages, limos- the whole nine yards. but most of all you had to have a date.
all of my guy friends in high school were guys from church. and they hated stuff like this. they were anti-high school, anti-school spirit, anti-conforming to the world... so annoying. so i knew none of them would even consider going. my friend, shawn, had graduated the year before me and i knew would absolutely hate going to homecoming with me, but i might be able to convince him to go. it would be the most fun to go with him. i asked if he would consider- he agreed- begrudgingly. it was a thousand pound weight off my shoulders. i refused to be that girl that just went to dances with her girl friends- and besides- they had already taken our few guy friends that we did have- so i wasn't about to go alone. ptl for shawn.
except for shawn went to florida. for a semester.
i was so desperate that i honestly tried to get him to come back for my homecoming dance. ridiculous.
but i literally didn't have any other options.
until one day, i was sitting at a high school soccer game. i was with a group of girls and all the sudden a boy walks up. i knew him. stuart. from elementary school. we went to the same school for one year in fifth grade. i knew he remembered me. i remembered him.
and he said "does anyone here need a date to homecoming?"
my hand shot up in the air. yes, i raised my hand. i still can't believe i did that.
he said "oh great! natalie! this is going to be so fun!" we traded numbers and were good to go. even though the second he walked away all of my friends were dying laughing that i raised my hand to show my true desperation.
i made him a garter, he made me a mum. he was on the football team so i decorated his football locker. i knew it was weird we were going together because i totally wasn't interested in dating him and i didn't even really know him- but that didn't matter much. i was going to make it fun.
on the night of homecoming, we all met at my friend lauren's house. stuart and i got in his truck and were headed to the park to take pictures with our group. i had my camera in my lap. my camera had been in my drill team bag where shavings from my eyeliner had spilled. and little did i know, my camera was covered in black eyeliner. and it was in my lap. my dress was bright orange silk. sooooooo i was covered in little black lines. all over my "middle section."
all of the moms freaked out when i got to the park and were chasing me down with tide-to-go pens. and stuart just stood there and watched. poor guy.
that catastrophe was conquered. then we moved on to the next.
the worst.
we were in the car.. making terribly awkward small talk about our past experiences... going to elementary school together... when he said it.
he said "yeah! i remember you and your mom and little sister walking to school every morning- that was fun!"
but there was a small problem with that. i had never once, in my life, walked to school. and i didn't have a little sister.
i realized that, yes... stuart thought i was someone that i was not.
how fun.
i figured out that he was talking about a school he went to before we went to school together. great. he thinks i am someone else.
i had a choice. either own it, tell him the truth, and just sit in the horrible awkwardness for the rest of the evening, or play it cool like i was actually the girl who walked to school with her mom and little sister.
and then it hit me. he was talking about my friend natalie- who was waiting for us at dinner!
i had to own it- because surely he would put it together when we got to pappadeaux.
so i did it. i told him the truth. i just said slowly and awkwardly, "ummmm i don't think i am who you think i am...."
and of course he crumbled. he totally thought i was natalie- my friend who he went to elementary school with before me. and we were about to see that natalie at dinner. he apologized. it was terribly weird. and i ran to the bathroom and died laughing with my friend natalie once we got to dinner. absolutely ridiculous.
so you can just imagine- i handled it really well. i laughed, literally the rest of the night- and avoided him at absolutely all costs. i even hid from him at the dance. really mature. the most shining moment of my life.
so girls, next time- know who you're going out with. because you don't ever want someone to ruin your favorite restaurant for life.
i will never, ever, ever be able to think of pappadeaux the same way again.
