my chains are gone! part two.

(make sure you read part one first!)

when i came into college, i was serious about not being defined by my past. i was tired of people pitying me and always giving me sad eyes. i was ready to have my own life.

yikes. not smart. having my own life meant doing my own thing. i never went crazy or anything. i just never obeyed Him. i never listened for Him. i walked forward in the things that pleased me and made me happy. i didn't do anything that wasn't comfortable for me. i liked my freedom. i liked being 'normal' and having a 'normal' life. even though it wasn't true.

i walked this way until the end of my sophomore year of college. i remember the Lord coming into my dorm room and telling me it was time to stop. so (i make it sound easy.. i ran and wrestled... a lot..) i started to get more involved in my church and oh. my. word. the body loved on me. they were- and still are- fulfilling and precious to me. my lifegroup was such a blessing. those people built a foundation in me and modeled well for me what it means to really know Him. my junior year, i began to understand what it meant to really follow Jesus. so i tried it, and it was more than i could've ever dreamt.

then came our college ministry's spring break trip. it was a miracle that i was even going. (go read that post.. it's worth it!) we stayed in abilene for our trip- which was incredible. only Jesus can make something like that really worth it. each afternoon we would load up on a bus to head out to our 'party destination' which were apartment complexes and neighborhoods throughout town. while we were on the bus, we were told to pray and ask the Lord for clues of what He might want to do.

i was so weirded out. i had no idea what they were talking about so i just decided that i would sit back and watch. so on the bus ride to our first location, everyone prayed, asked the Lord for clues, and then called them out at the end for the whole group to hear... just in case someone else saw your clue. i feel weird using the word 'clue' but i don't know what else to say- so just go with it. i remember one guy saying that when he was praying, he felt like the Lord showed him a five gallon green bucket. crazy-head. i was so confused.

and then we got to the park, and there was a man carrying around a five gallon green bucket. and i was shocked. and he prayed with that man and shared Jesus with him. Jesus had His eye on that man, and He gave us the privilege of partnering with Him and knowing where He was asking us to go.

so then i'm on board. totally. except i was just on board with them doing it. not me. and He kept using the people around me. and He was using me too, just not in the same way. but that was totally okay with me. and then i just decided to try it one evening as we were driving to an apartment complex.

i was sitting with my friend and lifegroup leader, kara, and she said 'nat.. while you're praying- you need to write down everything that you get in your journal. it helps you to keep up with what you're hearing..' so i wrote down everything i saw/heard. the last thing i saw were chains in the shape of a z with a line through them. and i was like umm what? but i wrote it down. and then i started thinking about them and over-analyzing it.. like maybe there was someone who was in bondage that needed to be free and their name started with a z or something. ooooover-analyzing.

i shared it with the group and everyone gave me the 'hmmmm.. well... cool' eyes and we went on our way. we got off the bus, broke into groups. we were assigned our certain areas of the apartment complex to go invite people to our block party. block party: sneaky and fun way of sharing the Gospel, playing with kids, eating hot dogs, praying for people, you know.. the usual. but we had to go door to door and invite people which i hated. like i would rather do almost anything in the whole world. so i'm walking with both of my lifegroup leaders, hunter and kara, through this apartment complex. we stopped and met and prayed for this man in the laundromat. i was feeling accomplished. kind of like 'i've done my duty. let's go now.' kind of attitude. noooot Jesus' plan.

so we're strolling down the sidewalk wasting our last few minutes before the block party when it happened. i saw them. i was one thousand percent confident the very instant that i laid eyes on them. on a second floor balcony, there was a tire chained to his balcony rails in the very shape i saw. a z with a line through it. really, a z with a line through it.

so i told hunter and kara and they literally lit up. we marched our tails to that door and all i kept repeating in my head was 'wow, Lord. wow. that was so kind of you! thank you! what a sweet way to know that you want to bless this person.'

oh how i underestimate Him! He was up to far more than blessing that man. He was about to pull a double-whammy on us all.