the one with the money.

i almost wrote 'money is such an awkward thing to write about.' and then i erased it. it's not awkward. it's not horrible, and it's not burdensome. it is a gift and a resource. i wish i was saying that out of the depth of my heart. but i'm really saying it because i know that's what i'm supposed to feel and think, and i'm going to keep claiming it until i believe it. because to me.. it's still a little awkward. but with Jesus, He makes it wonderful. especially with testimonies like this.

almost three years ago, i was about to go on a mission trip. to abilene. from abilene. weird, i know- but we were stirring within ourselves a heart for our own city and our own people. we were going to be making it as much as a 'real trip' as possible, staying in a hotel, driving everywhere together in a bus, etc. to make sure we were all still unified. which meant that it cost money. not a whole lot. only like $300.. but to a college student, that's kind of a whole lot. 

and being the super procrastinator and "non-worrier" that i was (aka.. not responsible) i had a total of $0 in my trip account on monday. and we were leaving for the trip on friday. and i did not have $300. also, in my non-responsibility, i racked up $800 in credit card debt over the previous few months. i was getting loan money soon and was planning on paying it off with my loan money, but the payment was due now. how's that for ridiculous? 

not my proudest moment. 

so monday morning at 6:30 am, we had a prayer meeting for our whole team going on the trip. everyone was there.. it was the week before. our leader stood up and said 'i feel like we're supposed to pray over finances..' immediately my pride started welling up and inside myself i was hearing 'that's not you- you can do this. you'll be fine. you'll figure it out.' our leader continued 'if you still need finances for the trip, stand up and come to the middle. we're going to lay hands on you and pray that the Lord will provide miraculously.' and still my pride said 'don't stand up. you can do this by yourself.' but the Holy Spirit said 'stand up right now.' so i did. 

i went to the middle of that circle and i was prayed over. i didn't really feel anything except a strong conviction to finally send the support letter to my grandparents. it was going to be the only one i would send. my grandparents normally send a $100 check for everything. christmas, birthdays, support letters, whatever it is, i normally get a $100 check. so i thought- i'll have them pay the $100 and i'll find money to cover the rest. so i got home that day and sent the letter.

well, later that morning, i got a text message from a number i didn't know. from a person i didn't know. it was a sweet girl who was at our prayer meeting that morning that i had never met. she said she had her hand on me while we were praying and that the Lord told her to cover the rest of my trip. she wanted to know how much to write the check for.

what?!!?! i was blown away. and sort of embarrassed. i sent back.. 'well.. i still owe all of it..' and she responded 'great! i'll take the check to the church today.' and that was that. i sat on my couch and wept. i couldn't believe He would do that. extravagantly written off. just like the cross. 

so my trip was paid for. i had greater expectation than ever before that the Lord was going to transform, challenge, and pursue my heart on that trip. i spent that week praying out of a thankful and overwhelmed heart. every friday, i went to lunch with my best friend. i walked to the door to greet her and realized we hadn't gotten the mail that day. as kelsey was walking up to my house, i opened a letter from my grandparents. i totally forgot about that support letter i sent earlier in the week. totally forgot. i saw that letter and said 'thank you, Lord!' i could use that $100. 

well, as kelsey was walking up, i can't imagine what she was thinking. i stood in my doorway- completely shocked, overwhelmed, and weak. inside that envelope was a note from my grandma that said 'the Lord told me to send you this much. use it for whatever you need. we love you and are so proud of you.' 

and there was an $800 check.

He pays my debts. all of them. and on that trip, He changed me forever. He broke my chains and set his captive free! 

thanks, lindsay- my precious friend, for being obedient. you blew me away and started a fire in my own heart to do the same for others. and thanks meme and papa, for listening and obeying. you've left a legacy of obedience and honor for me to walk in. you're the best picture of Jesus i've ever seen in real life.