inadequacy.

a few weeks ago i sat in a prayer meeting. on my knees, i begged for the Lord to move in all of my church's trips around the world. then it came to my own trip. they announced 'uganda' and people started praying. i tilted my head up to watch the people of God cry out for my trip and for the people i would be leading.

not two seconds after lifting my head, i heard the accusation of the enemy.

"you really think you can lead these people? you?!"

i knew it wasn't the Lord and immediately began asking questions of Him.

"Lord, why me? there are thousands of people You could've chosen and You chose me... why?!? Lord, i don't know what i'm doing. i can't lead people. i'm not worthy of following, Lord! i don't have what it takes. i need help. i don't know what to do!"

i sat in silence and let the cries of my heart resonate.

it was true. i don't really know all the answers. i don't always know what i'm doing.

so i asked Jesus to speak to me. and i heard a calm, confident voice say..

"do you know how to wash feet?"

"yes, Lord. i can wash feet."

and there it was. Jesus modeled it perfectly. He led with humility and with servanthood. He never tried to do anything that the Father wasn't doing and asking.

i can do that. i can hear the Lord. i can follow Him. i can obey. i can serve. i can go low. i can sacrifice. i can be a friend.

"yes, Lord. i can wash feet."


i felt inadequate to the core. because i am. i have nothing without Jesus. i can't lead, i can't wash feet, i can't pursue Him. but He makes me enough. Jesus died so that I could walk in my identity and my identity is a daughter of the Most High. a co-heir with Jesus.

Jesus died to put an end to inadequacy.

Jesus felt my inadequacy on the cross and it breaks His heart to think that i would choose it again. i will not let His blood be a waste. 

i will trust Him. i will abide in His promises and i will not waste the adequacy He died for. i will walk in the identity given to me by Jesus. He makes me enough for all that He has called me to. He gives me what i need and equips me for the battle.

"and God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 corinthians 9:8