then, towards the end of the day, it all went down. i was standing in the hallway, checking on one of my kids in the restroom, and i stepped back in to find one of my kids pushing another kid up against the cabinets with his hands on his chest (like the bully, gimme your lunch money kinda thing). annnnnnnd i flipped.
i don't know that i've ever felt that intense of a reaction to anything in my entire life. i grabbed him and pulled him into the hallway and was letting him have it. it was one of those, i'm kind of going crazy and i don't even know what's coming out of my mouth anymore but i'm still yelling and oh my gosh Jesus help me kind of moments. he (buzz) was crying and i sent him back in to apologize and make it right with the boy he had up against the cabinet (kevin) i just made up those names so i won't sell them out. also because i've been watching a lot of home alone.
buzz told me the reason he was doing it was because kevin took his money (a quarter and a dime) and put it in his mouth, trying to make sure i didn't notice he had stolen his money. that made me even more mad... at both of them. so i called kevin into the hall and gave him the same talk. the same i'm kind of going crazy and i don't even know what's coming out of my mouth anymore but i'm still yelling and oh my gosh Jesus help me talk. then i made him go back in and apologize.
they were both obviously sad, scared, and seemingly repentant, but i thought it was only because they had been caught.
about 15 minutes later, they went to pe and music.... the easiest part of my day. when everyone was gone, and my adrenaline began to sloooooowly decrease, i started asking the Lord what that was earlier. i have zero tolerance for any kind of bullying but my reaction was extreme and not loving or helpful discipline at all. i felt like the Lord said "just apologize to them." so i resolved that would be the first thing i'd do after picking them up from the gym even though i didn't feel like that was enough.
it was freezing outside, so i was a little rushed getting them all inside. but kevin grabbed my coat as he was walking in and said "miss may.... miss may...." with the sweetest little voice and big, glassy, tearful eyes. i turned and he looked me right in the eyes and said, "i'm really just so sorry for what i did earlier."
my heart melted. i got beat to the repentance by a seven year old. i apologized for overreacting and asked for his forgiveness, which he graciously gave.
i went and grabbed buzz, apologized, and asked for his forgiveness also. he was fine, and i thought it was all over.
a few minutes later, right before we headed out the door, kevin was standing near me at my desk. buzz came over, gave kevin the quarter and the dime and said "hey... something in my heart made me want to give you this money... so here."
he went and gave his money to the kid who had stolen it and tried to hide it just an hour before.
guys....... grace. grace. grace. grace. this is what it looks like. i watched a seven year old pull it off better than i ever have today. more than just forgiveness... beyond what you deserve.
Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,
Freely bestowed on all who believe!
You that are longing to see His face,
Will you this moment His grace receive?
